In 2010 I lost my 16-year-old son, Jackson Ramsey, to suicide. I had lost other family members to suicide, but his death felt like more than I could ever bear. Being a teacher and an elementary school counselor, I had been trained in suicide prevention and worked hard to give my children the tools they would need to get through life’s difficulties. But I learned through his death that I didn’t know enough, and I began a mission to find out all I could about suicide prevention and mental illness to prevent this from happening to other families.
To give you a scope of the problem, here are a few of the latest statistics as reported by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP):
- In the United States, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death.
- In 2019, 47,511 Americans died by suicide. (2020 not yet reported).
- In this same year, there were an estimated 1.3 million suicide attempts reported.
- Suicide takes more lives in the United States than homicide, war, and natural disasters combined.
- Suicide is the second leading cause of death among our young people, yet rates are the highest among our middle-aged population.
Why do people take their own lives? There is no single cause, but the risk factors (characteristics or conditions that may cause a person to contemplate taking their life) fall into three categories: psychological, environmental, and historical. Psychological risk factors include mental health conditions, serious physical health conditions, including chronic pain, and traumatic brain injury. Environmental risk factors could include access to firearms, prolonged stress or stressful life events, or exposure to another person’s suicide. Historical risk factors include previous suicide attempts, a family history of suicide or childhood abuse, neglect or trauma. When these factors come together over a period, a crisis may occur. Therefore, it is so important to be aware of the warning signs that may indicate someone is in crisis.
Warning signs include a change in behavior or even a new behavior, especially if the changed behavior is related to a painful event, loss or change. The behavior indicators may include: increased use of alcohol or drugs; withdrawal from activities; sleeping too much; or calling loved ones to say goodbye. The person may talk about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live given the unbearable pain they feel. They may even exhibit a sudden improvement or relief in their situation.
If you have noticed such changes in someone you know, learn more about the ways you can get help and discover tools you can use to start a conversation with them:
- National Alliance for Mental Health website (NAMI)
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
Their article, Risk Factors, Protective Factors, and Warning Signs, contains a specific list of warning signs. - The mental health Community Service Board in your area
- Physicians and hospital resources
Suicide can be preventable. It is important to know the risk factors and warning signs so that we may be able to reach out for help when we have a gut feeling that something is not right. There is a statement that AFSP uses in one of their presentations that sticks with me: “Assume you are the only one who is going to reach out.”
If you notice someone close to you is presenting one or several warning signs, you may need to have an honest, private conversation. Let them know how much you genuinely care, and ask the difficult question: “Are you thinking about suicide?” It is a myth that asking that question will encourage them to act upon it. Rather, it can validate that you understand how bad they could feel. It would give the message that at least you understand that struggles can be real and devastating. When asked, one could deny those feelings, even though the suicidal ideation could be present, but at least they know that someone is trying to understand their pain. When one seems to be in crisis, we need to let them know we will help them to get the help they need. This strategy works, and many lives are saved because of it.
Another way we can provide support is to reach out to those who have lost someone to suicide. Those who have experienced such a devastating loss need comfort, faith, community and family. They need to be given the opportunity to grieve and mourn such a loss. Healing was a long process for me, but with the support of my faith, my family, my community, getting involved with AFSP, and by helping others with such tragedy, I have found peace and hope. With the support of my faith family at Richmond’s First Baptist Church, I was given the opportunity to provide an open-to-the-public support group, Survivors of Suicide Loss (SOSL RVA) for those who have lost someone to suicide. We meet the third Thursday of each month in First Baptist Church’s Pusey House from 6:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. I co-facilitate the group with Anne Moss Rogers, who also lost her son to suicide. We welcome survivors of suicide loss and hope to bring them the support they need to get through this tragic time. It has been a mission for me to help those cope with the loss of a loved one to suicide. I want people to know that they are not alone on this difficult grief journey.
